Chapter 8
THE ART OF LISTENING AND THE ART OF DIALOGUE
Eighth law of quality of life
EIGHTH WEEK OF PROGRAM
I) THE ART OF LISTENING IMPLIES THE CAPACITY TO:
1) Empty oneself to listen to what others have to say and not what we want to hear.
2) Putting ourselves in the place of others and perceive their troubles and social needs.
3) Penetrate into the heart of their psyche and uncover the causes of aggressiveness, shyness, anguish, strange behavior.
4) Interpret what words don’t say and what images don’t reveal.
5) Be sensitive to be able to respect tears which are visible and to perceive those never cried.
The art of dialogue implies:
1) Talking about oneself
2) Interchanging experiences of life.
3) Revealing secrets of the heart.
4) Being transparent: not simulating feelings or intentions.
5) Not feeling ashamed of our defects and not fearing our failures.
6) Respecting limits and conflicts of others; not giving superficial answers.
7) That an interpersonal dialogue exists which crosses psychic worlds and breaks solitude.
3) The two arts complement each other; one depends on the other. He who doesn’t learn to listen, will never know how to dialogue; he who doesn’t learn to speak about himself, will never be a good listener.
They (couples) hear sounds, but don’t listen to the voice of emotion. They have the audacity to fight, but are afraid to talk about their own feelings. They spend years together without ever becoming great friends.
6) They (couples) don’t reveal their heartbreaks, don’t talk about their conflicts, don’t refer to their difficulties. If you want to cultivate love, the best way isn’t by giving expensive gifts, rather giving a jewel which has no price: your own self. The art of listening renews the relationship, and the art of dialogue feeds love. They are universal laws which sustain the quality of life in social relationships.
9) There couples who have beautiful beginnings which have sad endings because they don’t prepare to be friends, don’t train themselves to exchange experiences. They are great when it is time to defend their points of view, but rarely recognize their errors. Who has never made a mistake? Who has never had dumb attitudes? They win battles, but lose in love.
15) Parents who give things to their children are remembered for hours and days, but parents who give of themselves, become unforgettable. Do you want to be a father or mother who is unforgettable?
16) Have the courage to talk to your children about your most difficult days and your defeats of the past. Tell them about your adventures, your dreams and refer to the happiest times of your existence. Allow them to get to know you. The majority of children never even get to know the hallway to the entrance of the personality of their parents.
19) If you make a mistake, give an example: ask for forgiveness, recognize your errors. These attitudes won’t cause you to lose authority, rather to become the base of real authority, an authority which humanizes and develops the art of thinking. Be aware that educating implies penetrating another’s world.
21) Many parents work to give everything to their children, but forget to open the book of life. Many professors give millions of bits of logical information to their students, but never tell them about their chapters of life.
27) Professors and students spend years together without having their own stories ever cross, without learning mutual lessons of life. The result? Students leave the university with a diploma in hand, but without being prepared to handle failure, deception, challenge and competency. They don’t know how to open the windows of their minds, ignoring how to free their creativity, how to think before reacting, how to interpret what images don’t reveal and recover the leadership of “I” in the most difficult times of tension.
46) The social system is so aggressive that it has caused youngsters to become passive, it has controlled them from within themselves, it has stolen their identity, transformed them into a number. They don’t criticize the venom of consumerism, the paranoia of how yo look, the craziness of instant pleasure created by publicity and the media. For many of them, the future has no importance: what is important is today. They don’t ever find an important cause to fight for.
47) Parents and professors should sell dreams. They should plant the most beautiful seeds possible inside youngsters to make them into intellectually free and emotionally brilliant people.