Communication is the only tool we have to understand others and to express our ideas. Unfortunately, it tends to be a skill we learn only by trial and error and not through formal schooling. The art of effective communication is seldom part of our educational curriculum.
When we think of communication, we immediately think of our ability to clearly present our ideas and intentions. To communicate effectively, however, we need to first understand the other’s point of view and situation. Stephen Covey in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People suggests:
“Seek first to understand….”
Seeking first to understand is in theory easy; in practice, much more difficult. Studies have shown our minds can think at a rate which exceeds 500 words per minute while normal conversation moves at about 100 to 150 words per minute. This difference can be distracting while we listen to others speak.
As we “listen,” our minds are inundated with many thoughts such as:
How we are going to respond
What the noise in the background is
What we have to accomplish later in the day
What we should have done and haven’t completed
To find the calm in the eye of the hurricane of ideas which our mind generates isn’t easy. It is natural for our minds to generate thousands of thoughts while we listen. How then can we focus and calm the mind in order to become better communicators? An analogy may be helpful.
When we want to listen to a particular type of music on the radio, we tune into a specific station. If we tune into the wrong station, the message may or may not be what we desire. If we fail to clearly select the station, we will hear only static.
To communicate more effectively, we should act as if we were an antenna and direct 100% of our attention to the person with whom we are talking. Our sight, hearing and touch are all elements we can utilize to “tune in” our antenna and focus our attention.
When we “tune in” to others and “tune out” distractions, we can more effectively capture the essence and content of the message and enhance our ability to communicate.
∞ Rob McBride ∞
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